Member-only story
As a teenager, I was overly-emotional, as I assume many teenagers are. I hadn’t yet learned to control my feelings.
I’m a sensitive person by nature anyway, and on top of that a middle child. (Middle child syndrome is very real, by the way). So again, emotions abundant.
I had different experiences in college; I met new people, and they helped mold me into a better human being.
As a young(er) adult, I had a few long-term relationships. One of them was pretty controlling and toxic, and that forever shaped the way that I would love.
The last thing I had that I can even equate to something at all like a relationship was one I stumbled upon a few months after the toxic one.
At this point, I wanted nothing but freedom. I was terrified of ending up in a controlled and draining situation again.
That relationship had introduced me to serious depression for the first time, and it was a deep, dark hole that took some real strength (and loving friendships) to climb out of.
So this new thing was totally different — free, open…yet, complicated. There were lots of grey areas, and no label. I loved it, until I actually fell in love.
Things fell apart pretty quickly after that. Strong feelings weren’t really a part of the not-so-clear…
